In April, I began to experience the onset of what would become the most painful, scary, and disabling health event of my life. For weeks on end, I was in such an extreme amount of physical pain that I entered an altered state of being. My mind became so focused that I had no thoughts. I was reduced to a state of desperate survival. I begged medical professionals for help while sobbing and behaving erratically. While all this occurred, I could not care for myself. I could not feed myself or clean myself. I could not move for the most part. So vulnerable, so helpless, being in that state just makes you so fearful on such an animalistic level. It’s as if your system knows that too, so every little sound, every movement within view, makes your stomach drop. I had to channel all my focus into keeping myself calm because if I started crying or let myself panic, it would only make my symptoms worse. My doll photos are my actualization of my sensation of uselessness during my time of illness, while also facing thoughts related to mortality, inspiring the desire to live on eternally through some means, such as a doll that looks like me.
New passages will be posted soon.
New passages will be posted soon.
New passages will be posted soon.